Even though I am a hard person to understand, even I have feelings. I don't show them all the time, but I sure do feel them inside. I always feel as if something will go wrong so not much bothers me. To much has gone wrong for me in my life, but today I will not feel sorry for myself. Today my last life line to my father's family is gone to me. A huge family that has never embrassed a child of divorce.
My father's only sibling, my Aunt Pat went before the pearly gates today. I am sure that she got in right away knowing the person that she was. I'm sure that she was pushed to the head of the line. She was one of the most unselfish, non-complaining, sweetest person I have ever yet to meet in my life. She never thought of herself ever. Her only worry was for other's constantly. Her death was very unexpected... no one knew she was ill. It is a great tragedy not to have her with us anymore.
This wonderful woman took care of my father (helping his wife) until the end of his life last year. He battled many cruel years with Lukemia. I don't think that Aunt Pat had much to live for after he left her. She didn't want to be a burden on her children... thinking she would inflict damage upon their marriages. She stayed on with my father's wife, and helped in anyway that she could. I really think that the stress did her in.
To My Dearest Aunt Patty:
I spoke with you a little over a week ago Aunt Pat... but I wish that I could speak to you now. My heart is breaking for the things that I should have said, but didn't. I know that you are in a better place, and that is what is comforting me right now. I will always love you! Thank you for everything that you brought into my life. Thank you for all of the advice that was given. I will think of all of the things you tried to teach me about forgiveness. I can't say that I can do it, but I will try to remember the reasons. Being Irish is sometimes a curse that cannot be broken in terms of stubborness. I know you understand this about me, better than anyone.
Please say hello to Dad for me.